well now i know why i dont tell my parents anything...
its cuz everytime i try they turn it against me.
i had an emotional breakdown....
again...
teacher tells my mom...
and my mom somehow manages to make it all about herself...
and how shes the sick one..
and how im the reason why shes so sick..
and that everything is my fault cuz i give her such a hard time.
its moments like these that i hate my life.
my mom drives me insane...
my dad pisses me off...
and i cant stand all the bullshit that im given.
i just want this to be over with.
i think im gonna see if theres any way i can see mike

sooo....
i just got back from field trip...
it was pretty damn boring....
and its fucking cold out!
so sad that i would think that....
especially since im from up north...
*shrugs*
anywhoo.....
tomorrows thanksgiving....
which means another damn day i have to spend with the folks...
"bonding"....
wtf???
anywhoo....
hopefully i'll get to see mike this weekend....
hopefully...
idk...
need a ride to casselberry since todd is down with the flu...
and all my friends that DO drive r guys...
and all r complete assholes...
that think i should either sleep with them or at least give them head in exchange...
bastards.

so....
working on a new site...
my first rough draft of how it shall look:





thinking of adding a chatbox or something somewhere in it...
and gonna put a darkplayer in it under the "whats currently playing in my stereo n such 

Mood:  not sure
so....
heres the dealie....
seems im gonna b going to some counseling...
cuz i supposedly have "too many issues" that i need to get resolved...
and...
my mom has to go as well...
cuz we both have "issues"...
that need to get resolved...
but i might have to go twice...
one w/ her...
and one by myself...
i guessed im that fucked up :-/

I TALKED TO MIKE LAST NITE!!!
OH HOW I MISS HIM SOOOO MUCH...
YUP YUP...
TOLD HIM HE HAS TO LIKE...
COME TO MYSIDE OF TOWN...
AND GIVE ME A HUG...
AND THEN HE WAS LIKE "NO YOU HAVE TO COME TO MY SIDE OF TOWN"
AND THAT WAS US THROUGH OUT THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION...
HE WAS DRUNK...
AND HORNY...
AND I WAS SOBER...
AND HORNY...
AND LIKE...
I TOLD HIM THAT NEXT TIME HE SEES ME HAS TO GIVE ME A HUG...
ABSOLUTELY HAS TO...
CUZ I MISS HIS HUGS...
AND HE WAS LIKE...
NEXT TIME HE SEES ME...
HE'S GONNA BITE ME...
CUZ YES HE LIKES BITING ME...
AND THEN HE WOULDN'T SHUT UP ABOUT HOW HE LOVES MY BOOBIES LOL...
AND LIKE...
YES...
THE CHANCES OF US ACTUALLY DOING IT ARE UM....VERY LIKELY TO HAPPEN...
CUZ I WANT TO..
AND OF COURSE HE WANTS TO...
LOL..
I MISS MIKE
AND I REALLY REALLY WANT TO SEE HIM...
AND DO NAUGHTY STUFF WITH HIM...
AND A LOT OF NON-NAUGHTY STUFF...
CUZ ITS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX...
I REALLY REALLY DO LIKE HIM...

Eyes prickle with unshed tears.

Pain ripping through her.

A dream shattered by reality.

How can this be?

Silently she sits there, letting the blinding light shine down on her.

Painting a picture of serenity.

The air cast with tension.

Pain.

How can this be?

Voices.

Past.

Present.

Everywhere.

But they could not reach her.

Silently she sits there, letting the blinding light shine down on her.

Years spent hiding.

Years spent lying.

Pretending.

All comes crashing down.

The weight of it all crushes her until it feels as though she can’t breathe.

How can this be?

The question, always there, and yet there is never an answer to it.

Silently she sits there, letting the blinding light shine down on her.

OMG I MET MIKE...
AND...
I REALIZED I LIKE HIM LIKE...
A LOT LOT...
AND...
THAT BECAUSE I LIKE HIM TO SO MUCH...
I'M WILLING TO WAIT...
I WANT IT TO BE SPECIAL..
AND LIKE...
I DIDNT WANT OUR FIRST TIME TO BE IN THE BATHROOM..
OF HIS BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE...
AND EVEN HE ADMITTED IT...
IT PROBRABLY WOULDNT BE THE BEST PLACE FOR OUR FIRST TIME...
AND YES EVEN THOUGH HE DID TRY AND PUSH IT ON ME...
HE GAVE UP BECAUSE HE REALIZED MY WANTING TO WAIT HAD TO DO WITH ME FEELING BETTER ABOUT MYSELF AND BECAUSE I WANTED IT TO BE NOT ON THE FIRST DAY WE MET...
AND LIKE...HE'S BEEN APOLOGIZING TO ME LIKE SO DAMN MUCH ABOUT IT....
CALLING HIMSELF AN ASSHOLE FOR TRYING TO PUSH IT ON ME AND SHIT...
AND LIKE...
HE EVEN ASKED ME IF I HATED HIM NOW CUZ OF IT..
BUT I DONT I LIKE HIM....
I LIKE HIM SO FREAKING MUCH ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY...
AND LIKE..
HE'S NOT EVEN MY TYPE...
LIKE YES I CAN BE A BIT SHALLOW...
BUT NOT WITH HIM...
I TRULY LIKE HIM FOR HIM...
NOT FOR HIS LOOKS...
AND HIS FRIENDS ARE AWESOME...
THEY'RE SO FUNNY...
AND SO FREAKING NICE...
AND LIKE...
I KNOW THEY SUSPECT...
WHATS GOING ON BETWEEN MIKE AND I...
LIKE...
IT WAS PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS...
TODD SAW US FOOLING AROUND ON THE COUCH....
HENRY CAME OUT WHILE WE WERE ALL CUDDLING AND SHIT ON THE PATIO
AND PETER WAS SITTING NEXT TO US IN THE CAR AS WE SUCKED FACE THE WHOLE WAY TO MY SIDE OF TOWN...
BUT ANYWHOO...
I MISS MIKE
LIKE REALLY REALLY MISS HIM...
I WANT TO SEE HIM SOOOO MUCH...
AND I WANT A HUG....
LIKE...
REAL BAD
OH YA..
AND I TRIED BEER FOR THE FIRST TIME...
CUZ MIKE WAS LIKE...
U CANT REALLY SAY YOU DONT LIKE IT IF YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT...
AND LIKE..HE WAS PRETTY DAMN CONVINCING...
AND HE SAID THAT IF I TOOK ONLY A SIP...
THEN HE'D LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT...
SO I DID....
AND ITS LIKE THE GROSSEST SHIT EVER....
!!!BUT!!!
I DO LIKE THE TASTE OF IT ON HIM...
LIKE...WHEN HE DRINKS IT...
AND WE KISS AFTERWARDS...
THOUGH I MADE THE MISTAKE OF TELLING HIM THAT...
CUZ THEN HE CHUGGED DOWN A BOTTLE OF BEER...
AND THEN KISSED ME...
HIS FRIENDS WEREN'T TOO HAPPY...
CUZ THAT MEANT THAT I ENCOURAGED HIM TO DRINK MORE..
WHICH MEANT LESS BEER FOR THEM

well today i basically wasted my day doing nothing...
it got to be too late..
and well..
we had to change plans...
so tomorrow..
im gonna chill with john...
may try some new shit out with him since hes so damn persistant...
and then go visit mommy in the hospital...
i miss my mommy...
and then...
later in the night..
go chill with mike...
should be most enjoyable my day tomorrow

muffin and milk for breakfast...
yum...
ok...
not really....
muffins yes yum...
milk no....
lol
anyways..
yes...
i am bored...
again...
like always...
:-P

ooo...
reading The Da Vinci Code ....
damn good book

ok...
i'm like...
really really bored
yep yep...
really really bored....
and...
that muffin made me all sleepy like...
and milk...well
milks gross...
me no like :sad:
and...
i talk to my bro...
he warned me not to get sick...
since he knows i can't handle milk or any other dairy products well..
hmm..
yes...
20 minutes...
and i shall leave...
YAY!!!
and off to techy i go wheeeeeeee
lol
ah yes...
forgot to mention...
been uber bored lately...
so i make many many backgrounds for myspace and such...
yep yep
:-P







these are only a few of my new ones that i recently created